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Why I am a feminist: a memoir!

In light of yesterday being International Women's Day I've decided to break away from fashion, beauty and my normal ramblings to bring forward one of my political view points: feminism. I don't tend to talk about my political leanings on my blog (okay, so I'm blatantly into animal rights) but if you follow me on Twitter you'll be more than aware that I am feminist. 

Woo! yay! Feminism! Didn't that die out a while ago? Don't women get equal pay? Yawwwwnnnnn...

Today I am going to share with you a few experiences I've had that let me to believe that genders are not equal and become the feminist I am today. Go get a cuppa - it's a long one. 

I had a stay at home dad and a working mother
Judging by some of the reactions I've received I might as well have said my parents raped me in a broom cupboard and let the family dog shit on me. Even recently it was 'questioned' why my mum has a bigger car than my dad! Have we really not moved on enough as a society that a wife can't have a bigger car than her husband? Or god forbid a man can't raise a child? Or a daughter doesn't need to go alone to an after-school dance class because 'only mums are allowed'?

I don't want children
Again the reactions. From people who 'know better'. Those who have kids and just cannot understand that it is not for everyone. All women want children? I don't. I don't even like children to the point where I feel uncomfortable around them. Yes, I am a 'baby hater'. Let a women decide for herself what to do with her own womb, and guys, stop telling me about how well you treat your niece to get in my knickers - not all women like/want them. 

One of my exes insisted I use his surname and the Mrs title (if we were to marry)
Did you choke on your coffee at that one? I really hope you did, though it's still quite common for the expectation that a woman will take her man's name, so maybe you didn't. If you want to take your husband's name you can though I'm not sure why anyone would want a name that implies they belong to someone else. But if a women wants to keep her name then it should be end of story. It's her name! I was told I needed to take his name and would need to drop the 'Ms' prefix I began using long before meeting him if we were to marry. But apparently if I received a Doctorate it would solve the problem as I was allowed to be a Dr. (I really do wish I was making this up)

I know what it is like to have a guy be possessive and act like they own you
And this guy didn't even date me. This was a guy who developed unrequited crush on me and decided that meant that no other man should be let near me ever. Que starting rumours we're together, giving evil eyes to every guy I have actually dated, going in huff when a guy at a bar successfully wins my attention and standing next to me in photos, leaning his head into me then cropping it to use as his profile picture. Imagining how possessive this guy could get if someone did agree to be his girlfriend? 

Jealous boyfriends are rampant (also known as emotional abuse)
I know girls who aren't allowed out in short skirts. I know girls who don't accept friend's requests from males their boyfriend isn't familiar with. I have known someone who had a male colleague drop her off down the road so her husband wouldn't think they were having an affair. Does your batshitcrazy partner do this to you? You can call it jealousy all you want but anything that makes you feel you have to alter your behaviour to please a man is emotional abuse. And you deserve better. This goes for guys too - if you're girlfriend/boyfriend does any of the above GET OUT!

Apparently men who have no style can insist women should
I couldn't give two shits if someone is well-groomed or scruffy. But apparently a lot of scruffy men think all women should be well groomed. I'm thinking of some men I know as I write this. 

Crossing the road to avoid wolf-whistling 
Wolf-whistling is one thing, but when I alter my path to try and avoid it then that's another thing. Why should I feel the need to cross a street when I see some drunk males because I know what is about to fucking happen? I shouldn't, that's what. But I do, because it makes me feel safer. Reality of the UK in 2013.  

I'm a slut
Whilst I am not going to divulge how many notches there are on my bedpost I will say that I have been single since late 2010 and that is quite some time to go without any f******. Who a man or woman choose to share their genitalia with is no one else's business but their own and their shouldn't be any stud or slut double standard. And the best part? I've been told several time I "don't look like a slut".

My favourite club in Dundee is my favourite because I feel safe in it
Okay so it also plays obscure guitar based music and has cheap entry. But unlike Liquid, Fat Sams, Dundee Union or Underground I've never had a creepy encounter with a guy. I've had encounters with guys but if it's a no they understand and they grasp that offering to buy me a drink works better than groping me. If you want a grope free night out (and £4 entry!) then head to Kage! 

morag | mo adore
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  1. Oh my gosh you've encountered some creepy makes over your days! I love this post x

    1. Haven't I just? It's no bloody wonder I'm so stubborn about holding out for the correct guy!

  2. Really interesting read Morag. I would have broken up with "allowed to be a Dr" guy just for that, like seriously. And am I fuck taking Stuart's name if we were to get married(longshot but still), I'm yet to meet someone that can pronounce it first time x

    1. Hahaha, I spotted Stuart's last name on Facebook and sat their like a ninny trying to say it!

  3. I love this post!! It's beyond awesome that you had a working mum and a stay at home dad. That's just fantastic. And I don't think I want kids either - if I get pregnant by accident, I think I'll keep the baby, but I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to actively try to have children (and I'm almost 30). The responsibility just scares the hell out of me and I don't think being a parent is for everybody. Too many people have children because they're a status symbol. And I love it how you turned "slut" into a positive word there. I have a friend who, when she was single, claimed "slut" was something good - it meant a woman who had fun and took responsibility for her sex life. We need to erase the whole "stud and slut" double standard! On the other hand, I'm sure I'll take David's name when we get married, but mostly because I don't like my own surname!

    1. Glad you think it's fantastic - unfortunetly you're the minority :(

  4. I love this post! I wrote one similar myself a while back now xo

  5. Freaking loved this post! I agree with so much of what you said!! "I might as well have said my parents raped me in a broom cupboard and let the family dog shit on me." made me laugh so much!! :')

  6. Awesome post. I think one of the reasons I prefer Kage over others is similar. As a guy it's really uncomfortable being in Liquid/Fat Sams (lower levels) as it feels like a meat market with loads of predatory males around on the prowl. Can only imagine what it's like for women there :(

  7. Love this post. I wouldn't describe myself as a feminist but my god do I agree with what you've said. The wolf whistling one drives me mad. I am also very tempted to keep my surname if Ben and I get married. Mainly because I like my surname. It's different and I'll be a boring King if I took his name :P

    Jen | sunny sweet pea xx

  8. Love! I'm so glad more and more of these posts are popping up on my feed these days. ERM as if you have to take someone's sirname, I've already told Lee that won't be happening if we marry, he's cool with it as well.

    "Apparently men who have no style can insist women should
    I couldn't give two shits if someone is well-groomed or scruffy. But apparently a lot of scruffy men think all women should be well groomed. I'm thinking of some men I know as I write this. "

    This annoys me as well, I can't handle that women should dress in a certain way just because men think it nice to look at. Grrr.

    I love hearing personal tales of feminism, keep up the good work


  9. Of all the comments I've ever recived this really is classic!

    Don't feed the trolls but I think I'll keep this because it says more about you than it does about me!

    "Let these worthless American women grow old living alone with their 10 cats." - I think there are a lot of American women that would rather have the cat!

  10. Oh wow! I am so happy and glad to have stumbled across your blog! This is the first post I happened to have read on your blog and I can assure you I am already a dedicated follower!

    On the blogs I've looked at while I've been looking for inspiration before I launched my own, I really did think a lot were lacking in wider context. They all seemed to be about products, clothes and cooking, which I like but it feels limiting. But what you've done here is absolutely perfect! It isn't out of place and it works well - such an inspiration!

    Lovely to meet you and looking forward to reading more!

    Celia xxx

    1. PS: If you haven't heard of it, you should definitely check out :) xx

    2. Wow, thank you for your kind words Celia!

  11. I totally relate to 2 and 4. In sixth form, a male friend of mine practically used to have a tantrum if I so much as breathed near another guy. I can't stand children either, I think babies are the creepiest looking things. I hate it when people assume that I like/want them, just because I'm a woman. Dogs are much better!


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