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Looking back on 2010 & Looking Forward to 2011


Wow...so first blog post in four months. So obviously "get back into blogging" didn't quite go very well. But 2010 was a good year despite what it might have looked like to an outsider. I was homeless after someone I thought was a good friend decided to bail out & not say, I had to re-sit an exam and still only just passed (my other grades weren't perfect either) and I had two break-ups (one on my terms, the other on his). But aside from those niggly bits I did some things I am proud of and I have learned a lot, and am a much stronger and smarter person now because of it. I look back at 2010 as one of my favourite years.

What happened, in review:
  • Entered 2010 storming away from my uncles house because my boyfriend of the time drank more alcohol than he could handle and threw up on doorstep (his orginal aim was the carpet)
  • Seriously thought about ending this relationship, but ultimately chickend out 
  • Got my barces off after three years (I'm now strangely proud of my teeth)
  • Spent the weekend of the January/February intercept in Dublin
  • Competed in my first Dance competition in Loughborough! Didn't win anything but was a good experience nonetheless
  • Finally had an excuse to dress up as a Ghostbuster for a Superheroes Fundraiser for my dance team
  • Partied on St Patrick's Day for the first time
  • Because I backed out of a break-up, it caried on until I met someone I felt ultimately more compatible with, and in the end I had to leave him for someone else
  • Started dating the new guy a week later, despite knowing that there was a chance he was going back home to Northern Ireland (I thought I could convince him not to) but found out the morning after we got together that he was going to become a dad in July (this was March). His excuse for not saying earlier "I thought you knew". Charming. And because I was blinded by my heart, I agreed to continuing seeing him until he went home. 
  • The girl he got pregnant miscarried. Which ultimately led him to staying in Scotland.
  • Starred in the annual dance show, which was Alice and Wonderland themed and I represented the updated character of the Caterpiller. I was also involved in helping with costumes. 
  • Moved back home for summer and started working at the Golf Club again, but managed to enjoy it.
  • Revamped my wardrobe
  • Had to do a re-sit
  • Found out that a good friend didn't pay the deposits for our flat (my ex-boyfriend was also meant to live there, but he pulled out which I hold nothing against him for, so we were down two flatmates) & ultimately led to me being homeless
  • Stayed at my new boyfriend flat for a while and during my time there became suspicious of a girl who couldn't stop flirting with him. 
  • Started uni again and signed up for lots of new things which I couldn't make time for
  • Moved into my flat because the landlord (not the letting agent) kindly agreed to lower the rent for us. We then quickly found someone to replace one of the missing flatmates
  • My relationship ended and a week later I found out that he was now going out with the flirty girl despite his claims that she was attention seeking/generally flirtacious/too young for him/annoying/disrepectful/stupid/suprised she made into college/only good for one thing - as you can imagine I handled it graciously (not!).
  • Became involved with my university's RAG organisation and was placed in charged of an event for next year!
While the last year is mainly filled with heartbreak and homelessness, there are sparkles of good things sprinkled throughout (did my first bit of acting in a good few years! competed! Travelled! my CV is jam packed!) & there was a good helping of personal growth! How bad a situation is is dependent on how you look at it. You can choose to sit and wonder "wtf?" or you can learn and grow from it. While it's important not to mope, it is important to reflect and understand why it happened and how to avoid it in the future. I now know to trust my gut and realise that actions speak louder than words (if he says he loves you but cancels consistently, he clearly doesn't). I also learnt how important optimism and self-esteem are. I became a master of these crafts earlier this year and it came in handy near the end. Homelessness and heartbreak? You need a lot of optimism to get through that! And self-esteem? Being left for someone? The last thing he ever said to me was "she's more than you'll ever be" and due to my strong self-esteem it bounced right off me. Most of my lessons orbit around relationships, as you can tell. I don't regret these relationships because they helped me learn what my "dealbreakers" are and that sometimes you do need to listen to you head. I also learnt that being single is no bad thing. After becoming single after almost two years of consistent relationships is like being dropped on Mars, but I quickly reaped it's benefits (flirting! going out in a short skirt without your boyfriend worrying! making more time for things! stronger friendships! listening to boybands at 3am!) and right now I want nothing more than to be single (I've been seriously approached - for definite - twice since the break-up in October) and have brushed them off in favour of being single. Also, I've learned my lesson from me being single for one week and that you should always take a break between relationships.

And now, 2011?
My goals for 2011 are extensions of what's happened in 2010. My main one is to enjoy being single and don't sacrifice it until the correct person comes alone. No dealbreakers (prejudice, boringness, lack of physical activity, smokes, alcoholism) and they have to take your breathaway (no going out with someone because you have somewhat of a crush on them).

And some other goals:
  • Well and truly concentrate on your uni work - priority!
  • Start using more natural products for beauty (I received a lot of lush goodies for Crimbo, so this is already underway)
  • Continue experimenting with my style.
  • Take blogging seriously again - I have internet in my student flat this time around and I came up with a blog name last night (Smiles & Sparkles was on a whim). 
  • Get those piercings you've been wanting for years (was a 2010 goal but the place was closed on the day I went)
  • Make a stronger effort to maintain friendships and continuing expanding that social circle and re-discovring your social confidence
  • Learn to recognise toxic friendships
  • Stop online stalking - from tomorrow I will go cold turkey on stalking my ex and her (though I did that over a month ago), his best friend, his coursemates and her ex.
And what ever else 2011 may offer - bring it on! 
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